Are Country Girls Easier Than City Girls?

THE CHOKING HAZARD’S TWISTED WIT

For the past couple of nights I have been dragging my peg leg along hanging out public relating - yep, I was bar hopping with friends. Last night, we were chatting and having a good time laughing and drinking when one of the tawdry topics led to the differences between country girls and city girls. Basically how country girls are “easy like water” and city girls tend to display a little more social decorum. I couldn’t dispute because well, I was born in Brooklyn, New York. I actually can- but wouldn’t. I’m loyal to my City folk.



Now, I’ve visited “country” and I just can’t get past not having indoor plumbing facilities, so I have never spent more than one night there. Even “country” dialect is difficult for me to comprehend. I married a man that was from “Country” and I have to admit, some of those “Country” ways irked the shit out of me. One of them is walking outside barefoot in wet grass - at night. EW! My house in Virginia is somewhat in the country once you get past the Country Club, Golf Course and Community Shopping Plaza. The world outside those Security Guarded Gates can be pretty desolate and scary! I have never really befriended any of my neighbors that are long term natives (most of my neighbors are re-locaters like myself because I really hate their typical “What are you?”; “Do you smoke weed?” questions and my ultimate favorite: the references to non-Whites as “Mexicans and Nigras.“ I have, however, noticed that the young voluptuous vixens tend to be more aggressive sexually towards my son and brother (yes, I stalk their myspace pages . . .)



Whatever . . .

Well, of course, the comment was debated because there were people from “country” in our midst and they felt compelled to defend their “honor.” At first, I didn’t say a word. I have family and friends from both sides of the fence and well to be honest - none of them were vying for Saint Status and whenever any of those hussies married in the pure “white dress” there were always giggles and chuckles among wonders of maternity stretch paneling possibly embedded in the front of the White Gown. To call them “Pious” would be sheer belly busting sarcasm. The guy who instigated the debate is from one of the poorer sections of Kingston, Jamaica (a lawyer in America doing quite well for himself with his own practice) and seemed to have TONS of stories of easy sex with country women. Now the issue of this man possibly over embellishing his sexcapades stories is pretty much nil. We know him very well and he is not known for lying or tale telling - he’s actually notorious for being brutally honest. I’ve seen him in action and he has no reason to lie anyway. Well, according to him - all he and his friends had to do when hanging out in the countryside was stand outside the dance (not even go in!) and gently grasp a girl by the arm and say, “What’s up baby?” and the girl would just go. They knew the girls were down for the doing because this was evidenced by them simply not being at home!

You know this became heated, but he and the other guys stuck by their stories. City girls, a man has to work harder for but a country girl is a good way to relieve some tension. I later asked my ex-husband -the Bumpkin- if what they said was true about Country Girls and he concurred! I asked is that why Country Girls always seemed to have a bunch of kids? Now my common sense factor would just ring in that maybe they had more kids because the City Girls had more access to condoms and abortion clinics.

Well, the Country Folks (this group consisted of members from America, Canada and The Caribbean - 3) argument -to me- was pretty lame. They could only bring up that Beenie Man had a song about the wickedest slam [great sex] was from the Ghetto Girls. So of course, we responded with - it’s about good sex, not easy sex. However -the argument came to a halt when one of the Country men said that City Girls may not be as easy as the Country Girls - but a man can coax an oral performance out of a City Girl far more easier than a Country Girl who deem that particular act as nasty. I’m thinking - Country people slam their hands up in animal genitalia to retrieve young and what have you; have no qualms about being within a close proximity of dung yet they’re afraid of the Cordless Mike? Getthafugouttaheya! The City Men actually agreed on that aspect. Look let’s not be stupid - don’t tell me that a girl is going to swallow the sword and not turn around and grab a grind afterward or before. Unless it was . . .uh . . . Business. Personally - living in the City hearing some really strange sordid stories of Screw, I think City Girls just lie better. Come on - we all know about the roof of an apartment building . . . I swear I had to take a number or place a reservation for my turn because of those slappahs! However - I did not go up there with a guy I just met! The guys in my group were talking about their game and for the most part seemed to agree that a chick living out in the middle of nowhere with not too many options for recreation and were eating very good food that only strengthened their horny bodies did not waste time with little insignificant things such as the knowledge of a lover’s identity get in the way of them Riding the Bull. From what I hear - they were quite anxious about it too! Who hasn’t heard of an “Under The Shade Tree Shag” story?! [Which is something that would probably be on my personal “To Do List”, but I anticipate some serious anxiety about the combination of ants and dirt]

I guess I would have to say that I’m a Suburb Girl. I may have been an idiot when it came to a couple of men - but no one has ever been able to persuade sex out of me at a mere greeting - unless we were already involved in a sexually active relationship. No guy could ever be that frigging panty dropping charming with a one liner - the translation will always reach my ears as: “Let me fuck you.” Ew!

When I was on Playboy Radio the other day, a man with a THICK Country accent called in to inform that right after he had sex with his wife, that earlier in the day while he was at work - she did “a Train” with seven guys at once. Seven? And she still had time to cook vittles and service her husband too? I had to comment - that could not have been the first time for some shit like that. Most pipe fitters work their way up and start off with two maybe three before reaching seven.

Just about all girls love sex, right? Are Country Girls Easier than City Girls? Why?