How the Married dates The Single

How The Married Dates The Single

The other day I was talking on the phone to my ex having one of our usual friendly chats. He lies, I bust him, it gets heated then I laugh at him and he confesses. Same old same old. Before we were married, my ex was involved with the same trifling tramp that he’s living with now. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not jealous of her being with him. I actually encouraged the union. She was someone that went after that man in the most predatory manner during our marriage and even went as far as to instigate many of the fights we had. However, that’s a whole other blog.

So he starts telling me how he’s not really happy with her . . . She’s just there for convenience . . . He was lonely and she left her husband for him . . She’s not prettier than me . . . She’s not better than me . . . He knows that I would never take him back after what happened between us . . . He will never be happy . . . , blah blah blah . . . I’m listening to him and then it hits me. This is the same shit he used to tell other broads when he was with me. That fuckwit was dogging her to me the same way he did me to other women (only this time worse). He was trying to con me to leave a door open for him. WTF?!! So I told him to cut the crap and called him out on it! I reminded him that I am Gigi and this is America. I’m not from that little small town whence he came where the majority of the residents didn’t have flushing toilets and live with limited electricity. In other words: I KNOW BETTER ASSHOLE!

Do We Really Fall For This Shit? WHY DAMN IT WHY?

I know some people out there seem to be attracted and actually desire married people. Those folks are what we call amoral. When I was married, Sandy, even blatantly called my house and asked for him. I was smarter though, I knew what was going on a lot sooner than I let on and would pester my ex for money. Money I knew he would go get from her. You want to fuck my husband? It’ll cost you.*grins evil* [Folks - this is the absolute truth.] Once I accepted what was happening and the drunken fights were increasing (she used to tell him that he wasn’t really a drunk . . . The cops, judges and counselors were all wrong according to her), I kept playing the game until I almost caught the case . . .

The Common Pick Up LIES Married Folks Tell to Snag A Single Person:



“I’m not happy at home.”
How Gigi James would respond: That’s too bad isn’t it?! Maybe you should get a Hummer or a Home Theater system like most men trying to overcompensate for a small penis would do. Am I your fucking pet? Good. Stroke this.

“I’m just sticking around for the kids.”
La Gigi: Since you’re such a good person, then why don’t you stay at home and baby sit the kids and let him/her go out to the club or movie instead? You are sticking around for the kids aren’t you?

It makes our kids happy to see us together even though we don’t love each other. We even sleep in separate rooms.”
La Gigi: LMAO! Some shrink set that up - because children just thrive in loveless homes! (Where the hell is that Sarcasm Font?!) Okay - my ex and I slept in separate rooms too, but you better believe when the bodies were calling, they were answered. Especially during those frigid winter months when venturing outside was not even a thought! A married couple always roll over onto each other at some time.




“If he/she finds out, he/she will take everything and leave me with nothing.”
La Gigi: *DING DING DING* BAD CREDIT ALERT! BAD CREDIT ALERT! BAD CREDIT ALERT!

“She doesn’t love me, but needs me to pay the bills and I don’t want my kids to think I’m an asshole.”
La Gigi: HELL-OOO! Is it not just as important for the person you’re tying to pick to NOT think you’re an asshole too? Sorry- but that sounds like this person is weak in the sack and the Spouse is fed up with it. *runs to the adult toy store to buy gift certificate*

“I feel so lonely and I need love in my life.”
La Gigi: If responding on the internet then the possible cause for loneliness could either be severe B.O., Chronic Halitosis or a scorching case of a festering fungus. This guy or gal may not be married - but I always wondered how those people on Extreme Makeover with jacked up teeth and kids shouting real loud to inform them and the world over that “Daddy has REALLY bad breath!” got married in the first place. Oh, sorry off subject. BAD OCD! BAD!

“He/She doesn’t make me feel as good as you do.”
La Gigi: This is probably one of the best mind fuckers of them all because we all love to be told that we are Zee Best {uhhh hmmm hmm hm}, this is also a very common line -about as common as the Clap (gonorrhea).

I ended my conversation with my ex who admitted to still fucking around (with some details) with other women. Hey - that cock hungry slappah fought for him (if you think she has never retaliated, that’s another joke. That broad has made an art of tit for tat sex). So now she has to deal. That’s what she signed up for. *smirks*

Dating the Married is wrong. Dead wrong. If anyone can explain a justifiable reason to be romantically involved with a married person - please enlighten me.

www.gigijames.com
www.myspace.com/gigihumor

How to Kick A Man's Ass and Get Away With It!

How to Kick a Man's Ass and Get Away With It!


Some of you may have heard about Evangelist Juanita Bynum-Weeks getting a beat down in hotel parking lot by her husband fellow evangelist Bishop Thomas Weeks. Prophetess Bynum sustained multiple injuries and has subsequently filed for divorce from Bishop Weeks who made public apologies to his wife and to the Christians. If you think I'm going to make a commonly denominated "Christian Crack" - you're dead wrong. That would be an insult to my own intelligence because being Christian had nothing to do with it. It was a man beating his wife. Bishop Weeks - I'm a Christian and I don't accept your apology. You want me to feel better? Fling one of them 8 carat diamond rings you gave to your wife on your wedding day my way instead, because your word doesn't mean shit.


I want to thank Juanita Bynum today via this blog. She has decided to put her celebrity status to good use and launch a new ministry to help other women who have been physically attacked by "the men who were supposed to love them." That's right, if you were a woman that was beaten by a man that didn't love you - you're assed out. So Gigi is here for YOU!


[Disclaimer: I'm about to get real here. It seems that whenever I write a blog and get truthful in it - I get messages from people who feel the need to call me "whore", "bitch" and all kinds of colorful words that don't always get picked up by spell check. If you want to leave me a nasty message - have the intestinal fortitude to leave the message in the comment section below. DUH!]


The first time my husband hit me - he was drunk. He started in on me and I ignored him. Pretended he didn't exist. So he kept on and on and when he didn't get a response - he called me a "cunt." I hate that word. I called him a "fag." If you know me - I can get real creative when it comes to spewing the insults. He got real mad and slapped me in my mouth. The last time I checked - I wasn't Muslim. Even if there was a need to correct me - that was not the fucking way to do it. As a former playground bully, the niece of Arab men, the daughter of a Navy Man and the FIRST girl in a family of boys - I hit him back and kept on hitting him back. It was the first time in my adult life I had to fuck a man up. I always remembered the time I witnessed a family member get beat by her husband; I was a teen at the time and ran to rescue her. I vowed to NEVER allow that to happen to me or anybody else if I can help it. Whether the man loves the woman or not. I was with my baby father for years and we never physically fought. Wrestled maybe - but that was for another reason . . . hehe. That should have been a sign for me - and was - but I didn't listen to myself. I listened to others and got married anyway. To make a long story short - I walked away from that marriage with a permanent bump on my nose from the break, a head scalded from boiling water, misaligned bones in my fingers -not to mention slightly traumatized children (they're okay now). Every time we fought - he was drunk. I learned that with each time, the fights got more intense - because he knew he was fighting with someone who was not going to take the shit. I'm also a woman. Not too many egos like getting beat up by a woman. His prior girlfriend (and the proverbial dog vomit - as they are living together now) would take the slaps and cry (usually on some other dude's shoulder later on, but hey . . . To each his own, right?) The last time we fought - the cops actually debated on who to take in. They didn't take me in because they knew I worked legal and their asses would have been in every court room I could file a case against them in. WTF?!


We have laws now -thanks to O.J. - that are supposed to be less lenient to abusers and more helpful to women. However - I believe the majority of them are bullshit and blatant violations of constitutional rights therefore making it in the long run the women suffer a hell of a lot more being dragged through the bureaucratic mud of our legal system. Not every woman is a celebrity with a major bank roll to protect them like Prophetess Bynum. Are we really supposed to care that she's filing for divorce and he apologized? She will not have to go through what most abused women have to go through. She says that she still loves the good Bishop - enough to marry twice. Keep your soap opera Bynum and Weeks - you're a bunch of publicity whoring bamas. Ladies - you want to keep your sanity and out of jail? Remember, Johnny Cochran is dead so you have got to fuck that man up! I won't advocate being a sucker and just cut the man's dick off - you will go to jail. Jab him in the throat as hard as you can instead. Sometimes it's impossible to do immediately after - so wait a few days after everything has cooled down. My friend, Brent, teaches a class on women's self defense which is very helpful and every community should have one - but here are a few tips just in case, you are not able to make such a class:


Hit him in the spine while holding a sock full of quarters, then go get a manicure right after;


This one was inspired by Madame Jules - lop him over the head with frozen meat (she suggested leg of lamb) - then cook the weapon and serve it for dinner;


Take the palm of your hand with your top fingers curled downward - slam it straight into his nose. Debilitate him for a few seconds then run for the shovel.


Personally, I'm a boxer and kicker. I will ball up my fist and knock the wind out of someone by punching him dead in the chest. I usually hit fast in repetition. I don't like receiving hits, so I try to prevent them. I don't knee in the balls - sometimes the coordination goes awry in the middle of battle and the knee can land against another knee cap (I'm short). Please note: I may come off aggressive almost as much as Juanita Bynum, but I'm really not. I only fought with one man in my life. The guys back in school don't count . . .


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS STILL A MAJOR ISSUE - NO ONE IS IMMUNED anymore. OJ sparked new laws and statutes to be instituted in society - do they work? Is it easier and less traumatizing to take the chance and whip a man's ass - who assaulted you - instead of calling the cops? I once told a friend who called me right after her baby father hit her to get out of the house and that I was on my way to pick her. As I loaded my .357 Magnum, I yelled back into the phone, "Whatever you do, DON'T CALL THE POLICE!" Self-defense is a lot harder to prove, in case you didn't know.


Here are a few highlights from Saturday's reading and signing at the Caribbean Literary & Cultural Center in Brooklyn, New York:




The New Leccie Cover arrived in time for the Signing! I would have been happier if Leccie had made it over the pond for the event, but there will be more opportunities later on as the book tour gets underway. Copies of I Didn't Sign Up For This! are now available at

www.barnesandnoble.com

and

www.amazon.com







Me signing. The twins kept getting in the way on the hot muggy frizz pit day.





Mary Sumter with Ken Cook. Mary won the dinner for two at Harbour Lights restaurant. This is great - Mary came all the way from Washington D.C. for the signing and met Ken Cook at the signing. Mr. Cook is a former science teacher from Winthrop Junior High (he wasn't my teacher, but he taught many of my friends). The Widow and the Widower hit it off and ended up each other's dates for the evening! Harbour Lights has got something going on besides the wonderful food (and the BEST crème brulee!) I hear those two have really hit it off ! I am SOOOOO excited for them! Thank you Harbour Lights!!


Thank you all that came out and showed support and love. I hope you enjoy the book!